Saturday, November 11, 2006

i wish i can grumble complain bitch.. but i think i cant cuz i've finished up all the favors i had
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is taking the easier road out the better way? well, it'll be easier, i wont be bothered, and i'll have more time to do work. but i dont think it's right and change wun come/progress wun happen if u juz sit back and watch show. n if i m to sit back and watch show y do i even bother getting myself into it the 1st place?
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and i had such high hopes for being in it. overestimating yrself dear overestimating..
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im behind on my work, getting keked cuz the thgs i wanna do wun get done/cant get done, and i cant do anythg abt it. im probably making a mountain out of a molehill (but that really shows how i care abt it). i cant complain, i wanna complain. ARG.
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thats what i mean abt being empty/alone
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and i really hope my body can take it. everythg is possible if my body can take it. but if it cant.. it'll juz be like today. i cant concentrate, i cant process anythg, and i hid in the common room to sleep during my breaks and felt like crap.. it's not fun/nice and i m scared i dunno how long i can hold out.
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but thgs that need to be done has to be done. there's notts games tml. i'll give anythg to not go. i can not go. but it is just tat i m in floorball, and there's a regulation that 2 gals needta be on the team at any 1 time, and there are only 2 gals (including me) on my team. so if i do not go, the whole team will be unable to play. is that fair? so i have to go.
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suddenly realised what my blog means to me. the initial idea is for my good good frens to keep in contact and know what's happening to me now that i am in the uk. but now it has taken a change of sorts. it's more for me, for me to justify why i do the thgs i do. maybe no one will read it, but mayb someone somewhere will and understands the rationale behind what i do. even if it's not the easy way out. even if it makes life harder for myself.
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hmm and why do i feel the need to justify myself? cuz i think that the reasons i have behind what i wanna do are as strong as the reasons behind the alternative options. and becuz i m me i believe in what i wanna do, and i will/should do them -- if i can take it
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and i m stronger than what i think i am arent i?
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i'd love to bitch everythg out in the open. but who knows who's reading? and i must remember that i've overstayed my welcome wrt bitching and i must stop
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and i realised that once i blog i cant/dun wanna stop. cuz at least for that 20 min, i can say what i wanna say without ppl looking bored, or contradicting me. i can imagine that there is some1 listening and nodding. ha the wonders of technology.
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i wish i wish i wish
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time to get stronger
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ps dun worry too much abt me ppl. like simone pls pls PLS dun stay up late waiting for me to come online. it's juz at night (that's my night btw) that i m like tat. and after some events tat usually take place at night. i shall juz start to build a wall ard me like what i did in sec sch and i'll b fine.. :D