Friday, November 24, 2006

im v v depressed :(
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im depressed that my circle of frens here is very very small
10 of them r gg lake district fr today till sun
and after they r gone it seems like there's no one ard anymore
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im depressed that at a time when i'm sick i'm alone
i hate being alone
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im depressed that i dun seem to get enough love n support here
esp when i m sick
i dun actively seek for it at home (ie singapore) but its juz all ard.. u can feel it
now cuz of time difference cuz of physical distance the same love is diluted
its too far away
i miss it
i need it
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im depressed tat i cant fall asleep at night
partially due to the perpetual cough/ blocked nose
but mainly due to the fact that i hate being alone
and i hate the dark
i can delude myself into being happy and sociable in the day/outside
but when u r in bed, alone, everythg juz hits back twice as hard
i probably fell asleep at only 1+ or 2?
tho i was sick
tho i was damn tired
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im depressed i missed 4 lects and 1 test tis morning
i have no self discipline
it is not justified
if i can afford to go dinner/tescos etc till 11+pm last night when i m sick
i cant pon the classes by saying i m sick
n my aim here is to study
but i have mixed up priorities apparently
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im depressed cuz i m cold
im cold cuz im sick
n e weather here SUX
if the normal cold isnt bad enough
its been raining n blowing strong winds these few days
these few days when i m sick
im shivering as i type
n i m in a t shirt, a fleece, track pants and socks
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im depressed cuz i went downstairs to wash a bowl
and i saw a postcard on the floor
with a singapore stamp
and i thought THAT will cheer me up
but its nt for me :(
nt that it is unexpected
but i had thought it'll be
i want it to be :(
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im depressed because priorities have changed
maybe no one has noticed it yet
but i see it change
i see it changing
and i dun wan it to
but who m i to complain since i m guilty of it ?
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in short i m very depressed.
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was juz going to add:
im depressed cuz i wrote on my msn tat i need cheering up
and its been up for a while
and no one bothered abt it
ke jian wo duo mo miao xiao
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BUT angela juz did
so i shall save that
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every1's gg lake dist. mayb tat means i can blog freely abt warwick and everythg here without fear tat some1 will read it huh? but tats a risk i m unwilling to take
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ppl come online more often tis wkend.. i need to juz have msn conversation windows with u open.. juz to feel tat some1 care and i wun die in my own vomit and no one knows
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how sad m i?